The fun thing about meeting new people is talking to them about so many things. But one thing I’m painfully aware of is just how confusing the English language is. There’s a reason I say it’s a bastard language.

But as a quick summary, English is the de facto language of the United Kingdom, the United States, Australia, and New Zealand. It’s legally recognised as an official language in an additional 53 countries. And there’s going to be colloquial differences in how that language is understood by each person based on country of origin, region of origin within that country, and personal understanding of the language itself.

I’m British by birth. I grew up with English as my predominant language. It was in the summer of 2015 when I met a Frenchman and a German man who spoke wonderful English. And I realised just how fast I speak and how much of what I say isn’t, in fact, commonly recognised in English.

Shall we get started?

English Thing #1: George As A Gender Non-Conforming Name

I never thought my name could be a point of confusion. It’s a shortened form of my legal name and I’ve been a George since I was seven years old.

And I had no idea how unusual it is to save time by shrinking my name to a historically masculine name.

It became popular because of Saint George (he with the dragon), though may have also been because of an earlier form of the Greek god Zeus worshipped in Athens as a patron of farmland and crops. According to Behind the Name, the name means “farmer, earthworker.” It’s funny [sarcastically], because I can’t even keep one houseplant alive longer than a year.

Famous Georges include:

• George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buckingham, the favourite and self-proclaimed lover of James I of England,
• George Boleyn, Viscount Rochford, who I talk about here,
• eight King Georges of the Kingdom of Georgia
• George Kirrin, a character from Enid Blyton’s series The Famous Five,
• and George Elliot, real name Mary Anne Evans, the author of Middlemarch.

English Thing #2: Calling A Concentrated Fruit Juice “Squash”

I didn’t think this was a thing, but it apparently is. In Britain, we have a non-alcoholic beverage made with water, sweetener, juice of some combination of fruit in a low quantity (typically 5–10 percent), large amounts of artificial flavouring, preservatives and sometimes artificial colours. We call it “squash.”

Depending on if you have “quadruple concentrate” or not, squash is typically one part concentrate with four or five parts water (carbonated or still). Double-strength squash is mixed with nine parts water to one part concentrate. You only need a tablespoon of quadruple strength squash to a glass of water.

It gets a bit more complicated depending on how much real fruit juice you put in the concentrate. High juice is somewhere between 30% to 60% real fruit, though it is often higher in sugar. Squash concentrate with between 5 to 20% fruit is usually lower in nutritional value.

And to confuse people even more, we sometimes call it “juice” no matter how little juice there is in it.

English Thing #3: The Phrase “Bent As A Nine Bob Bit”

Before Britain went decimal in 1971, there was the shilling. A shilling was also called a bob, ten shillings often came as a note. But there was never a nine-shilling note, so the phrase meant “fraudulent, odd, unusual” because bent is slang for crooked or dishonest.

Bent is, nowadays, slang for gay. The American English phrase “queer as a nine-dollar bill” appeared in John Trimble’s 1965 publication 5000 Adult Sex Words and Phrases:

Nine-dollar Bill… An Absolute Invert or Homosexual. From the inference that one is “Three times as queer as a three-dollar bill”.

Charming.

English Thing #4: The Word “Bagsy”

I don’t know who started it, but my sister and I would fight over who sat in the passenger seat of our parents’ car. My sister usually won, no matter how much I said “bagsy.” It might have something to do that she’s bigger than me. (I’m still older, though.)

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, “bagsy” is a UK child’s word meaning:

to claim the right to have or do something because you said you wanted it first: “I bagsied the best seat before anyone else arrived.”

Think of it as the USAmerican version of calling “shotgun” for car journeys. But also apply it to things like turn-taking, picking the music, or barging your way to be the first to open presents at Christmas.

English Thing #5: The Phrase “Bob’s Your Uncle”

While never really stated in my house growing up (my mother really did have an “Uncle Bob”), it’s not as common as it used to be to hear someone say, “and Bob’s your uncle!”

It means that something will happen very quickly and simply. Alternative meanings include “and there you have it” or “there it is” or, in French, “et voilà.”

A common origin is that Conservative Prime Minister Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, 3rd Marquess of Salisbury (“Bob”) appointed his nephew Arthur Balfour as Chief Secretary for Ireland in 1887, and his defining credentials started and ended with “Bob’s his uncle.”

The first use of the phrase dates to a song advertisement for Herman Darewski Music Publishing Co., published in The Stage (London) on 11 January 1923. If the phrase was popular after PM Bob got his nephew the job, it wouldn’t have taken 40 years for it to come into print.

Conclusion

You could be confusing people with a name not commonly associated with your assigned gender. Or drinking a watered-down beverage you paid for with forged cash. Or maybe you staked a claim on a desired product because you knew a guy. Some things are really only understood in Britain.